by Nancy Chen Long
(originally published in the 2011 issue of Weave Magazine)
puce.
i know that
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it’s
a little like purple, or similar kind of
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color. a little boy once
said
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dream
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it
to me
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when we get older,
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—we were coloring—
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our
petals blanched
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in a field of bluebells
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—our ancestors chanting in our memory
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under the beam of a
chestnut tree:
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we
are all one, child.
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i, who had drawn a
cart-wheeling girl,
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preferring
to be insular,
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i didn’t want to color her.
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humans
graft color with artifice and so
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i wanted her to be white.
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what
is real seems real if some other says it is.
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there
is no white
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washing our imperfections,
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silly, the boy said to me.
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intellect
may say we are vapor, while experience says
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but you are
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to
stay the course, even though nothing can be seen except
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white
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flecks
against a foreboding sky. stay the course,
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i said
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even
if happiness should look like a point, even if
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looking at his timberwolf
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skin
betrays the truth. what can be said about the
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eyes and tumbleweed
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dispersions
of words, chaos and form—they
are
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shadows. he shook his head.
no one is
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ad
infinitum—
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white. i am peach, and
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our
options being finite, then
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you are maize. to prove it,
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let
us broaden our palette—
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he raised the crayon to my
skin
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in
order to honor the original—
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and the color disappeared against
me.
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yes,
this is so like a dream. and so
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i gasped. he did not know
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there
is no cold, there is only distance from the sun. change
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the rules. let’s race, i
said. i’ll race you to
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the
boundary of
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the purple house.
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what
is considered home,
|
he said, but
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those
many rooms in one mansion, spinning,
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racing
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hurling
through space. this picture
|
makes no sense
|
—a
single stone in a galaxy of stones—
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and besides, it’s not
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the
only thing that matters. the flash of
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purple, it’s puce.
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form
is flesh, the imprint of color.
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to prove it, he searched
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through
archives of memory,
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everyplace
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where
we once danced to some familiar chant
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trying to find it.
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—still,
it hums, ambient, steadfast.
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